People in Business

 

“Dealing with, getting along with, and associating with other people is the business we are all in” – James Tollison

Effective and productive relationships with our colleagues and associates can be a source of great emotional satisfaction.  Alternately, our work relationships can also be a source of our greatest heartache.

Other people can have a major effect on our energy levels.   We need energy to get our job done and to put up with others.  Unfortunately having to put up with people can drain that energy. 

Often our family relationships get duplicated at work.  The extent and nature of our unresolved family issues can influence the way we react to people’s behaviour at work.  Certain behaviour patterns may unconsciously trigger unresolved family problems.    Some symptoms of family dysfunction that we may find ourselves playing out at work could include abuse, abandonment, neglect and enmeshment.

Although we may assume that aggressive negative behaviours are a result of the bad upbringing of others, it’s more helpful to think more about our response to behaviours.  Are we misinterpreting cues? Are we overreacting?  Ultimately we are the ones that can determine our response to many things, why not our reaction to the behaviour of others? 

We can observe ourselves and the roles we play.  We can monitor our responses to particular individuals and situations, and take note of our repetitive behaviour.  We can also study and become aware of how others react to our behaviours.  We can learn a great deal from our clients, peers and associates.

References

• “The 7-day weekend” – Stefan Smith
• The Many Faces of Addiction – Psychology Today

What you can learn from religion

 

The worst offense that can be committed by a polemic is to stigmatize those who hold a contrary opinion as bad and immoral men.

—John Stuart Mill, 1806-73

The “new atheists” seek to save the people from religion by attacking their writings and beliefs.    They imply that only the truly gullible could follow a religion and seek to free people from it.

Whether this approach succeeds or not is debatable.  Some people believe this won’t convince believers.   Steven Novella said “You cannot reason someone out of a belief they did not reason their way into in the first place.”

Nevertheless, many have left religion and embraced agnosticism or atheism.   They have been freed from the shackles of faith and can now do something else.   Something else?

Questions

It is like the woman who travelled months to the top of a mountain to ask the wise man:

“O, great wise man, I have been wondering so many things. Is life more than sitting at home doing the same thing over and over? Wise man, is life more than watching one’s relatives do unpleasant things, or more than the grim tasks one must perform at school and at work? Is life more than being entertained by literature, wise man, or more than traveling from place to another, suffering from poor emotional health and pondering the people one loves? And what about those who lead a life of mystery? And the mysteries of life? And, wise man, what about the overall feeling of doom that one cannot ever escape no matter what one does, and miscellaneous things that I have neglected to mention in specific?” 

In fact answering questions like is the business of religion.  Religion claims to answer these questions, perhaps falsely, but it does attempt to provide answers.

If we throw away religion, what will it be replaced with?  Is it worth replacing at all?

Culture as a replacement

In the mid-19th century, church attendance was plummeting.  Intellectuals of the period feared that this would result in a decline in society, the quality of life and ultimately a descent into anarchy. 

They proposed that religion could be replaced with culture.   Secular wisdom such as the works of Shakespeare, the poems of Wordsworth and the Odyssey could replace the scriptures and museums could replace the cathedral.  This has certainly been part of University culture till relatively recently.  (The rise and rise of science and technology over the humanities has meant that ideas like this aren’t as popular as they were.   Many students aren’t even familiar with the classics anymore)

The good bits of religion

In his book “Religion for Atheists : The non-believers guide to the uses of religion”  Alain De Botton discusses the “good bits” of religion. 

He believes that the question of whether or not a religion is true – in terms of being handed down from heaven to the sound of trumpets and supernaturally governed by prophets and celestial beings is a boring and unproductive question.

It is possible to be left cold by the doctrines of the Christian Trinity or the Buddhist Eightfold path and yet at the same time be interested in the ways in which religions deliver sermons, promote morality, engender a spirit of community, make use of art and architecture, inspire travels, train minds and encourage gratitude at the beauty of spring….

…Surely it must be possible to balance a rejection of religious faith with a selective reverence for religious rituals and concepts.

Meeting Strangers

One of the greatest losses in modern society is a sense of community.   We look back to a time of neighbourliness that has now been replaced by a fast technological secular state that is driven by individualism.

The overemphasis of our society on romantic love – finding that special someone who will give us the sense of connection we crave is a symptom of this.

De Buton says that churches gave a way for people to meet one another in the community.    It gave an opportunity to meet people from various economic backgrounds and who were interested in things we weren’t necessarily interested in.  (About the opposite of social networking really)  The priest could ask the congregation to shake hands with the person next to them.  People sang together and people did community minded things together.

He compares the role of the priest to the hostess at a good party.  A good hostess will introduce people to one another, helping unlock the intrinsic friendliness that we have that we hide underneath our secular facade.

Historians have suggested that we began to disregard our neighbours around the same time we ceased to communally honour our gods.  This of course begs the question of what religions might have done, prior to that time to enhance the spirit of community and whether secular society can replace this without building it upon a religious framework.

Of course building a sense of community is only one example.

Where to from here?

Regardless of your beliefs, it would be a worthwhile exercise to consider that people must see something worthwhile their beliefs.    Rather then assume they are fools, why not take another look.

 

Links

• http://www.abc.net.au/radionational/programs/bigideas/can-atheists-learn-from-religion3f/3869242
• http://www.amazon.co.uk/Alain-De-Botton/e/B000AQW38G/ref=ntt_dp_epwbk_0
• http://atheistexperience.blogspot.com.au/2011/05/you-cant-reason-person-out-of-position.html (Contrary to view to the saying – You cant reason a person…)
• Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can’t Avoid – Lemony Snicket

The “Done” List

“The best way to see forward is to look back”

Most success systems encourage goal setting.  Goals can be like a roadmap, directing us as to where to take our lives.  Apparently it’s a brain thing.

An article in “Psychology Today” says “It’s simply a fact: when people have goals to guide them, they are happier and achieve more than they would without having them…. Achieving a goal you’ve set produces dopamine, a neurotransmitter responsible for feelings of pleasure. Reciprocally, dopamine activates neural circuitry that makes you eager to pursue new challenges.”

So how do goals work?

“Goals provide focus. With no guiding vision or plan, people tend to drift. Goals provide a measuring stick for progress. Goals enhance productivity. They bolster self-esteem. And most of all, goals increase commitment, so you’re more likely to achieve whatever you set out to conquer.”

Daily Goals

Many find the daily setting of objectives or the setting of task lists a powerful motivator.  There is a real sense of achievement in crossing off items from that list.     Apparently this is where the dopamine is kicking in.

Unfortunately, not achieving what we set out to achieve can be negative.  Have you had a busy day, then looked at a To Do list that hasn’t got a single completer item?  Not very motivating is it?

The “To Done” List

So you had a busy day?  Why was it so busy?  Perhaps you did things that had to be done.

A “To Done” list involves writing down all the things you actually did like a task list, then tick them off.   You will be surprised how many things you write.  It can show that you may have accomplished some really worthwhile things.

The amazing thing is that you can get a similar effect to ticking off your objectives.  You get psychological reinforcement and get that feeling of genuine accomplishment.

This does not mean getting rid of “To Do”, but it does help remove the helplessness that can happen if you feel you’ve burnt up your time.

Do you feel that that your “accomplishments” were not so worthwhile?

Under your done list can also be helpful to create a “Keep Doing This” list and a “Stop Doing” list.    On the “Keep Doing” list, you can show items such as “Showing fearlessness when making an important phone call” or “Praised coworker for a job well done”.  On the “Stop Doing”, listing the things you’re not going to do in future gives a feeling of continuous improvement.

Understanding that our emotional state and ultimate success are consequences of our thinking open the door for positive change in our lives.  The action of writing a list seems to have such a major impact on us, either for the positive or negative.  The To Do and the Done list are powerful tools that every potentially successful person should consider.

 

References

“The Goals that guide us” – http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200307/the-goals-guide-us

“Forget the To Do List” – http://www.organizeit.co.uk/2007/05/16/forget-the-to-do-list-start-a-done-list/

iDoneWork – http://netted.net/2011/07/20/to-done-list/

Pomodoro – The Tomato that changes lives

 

 

The Pomodoro Technique is a time management method developed by Francesco Cirillo in the late 1980s.   The technique has transformed the lives of many from procrastination to motivation simply and effectively.

During his first University years, Francesco Cirillo struggled with low productivity and high levels of confusion.  When exam time came around he found the challenge overwhelming.

The one day, as he tells it, …in the classroom on campus where I used to study, I watched my classmates with a critical eye, and then looked even more critically at myself: how I got myself organized, how I interacted with others, how I studied. It was clear to me that the high number of distractions and interruptions and the low level of concentration and motivation were at the root of the confusion I was feeling.

So I made a bet with myself, as helpful as it was humiliating: “Can you study – really study – for 10 minutes?” I needed objective validation, a Time Tutor, and I found one in a kitchen timer shaped like a pomodoro (the Italian for tomato) – in other words, I found my “Pomodoro”.

The “Pomodoro Cheat Sheet” lists the goals of Pomodoro:

• Alleviate anxiety linked to becoming
• Enhance focus and concentration by cutting down on interruptions
• Increase awareness of your decisions
• Boost motivation and keep it constant
• Bolster the determination to achieve your goals
• Refine the estimation process, both in qualitative and quantitative terms
• Improve your work or study process
• Strengthen your determination to keep on applying yourself in the face of complex situations

Pomodoro attempts to make time your ally, rather than the enemy.  It does this by breaking down time into manageable (and accomplishable chunks).

The technique uses a timer to break down periods of work into 25-minute intervals called ‘Pomodoros’ (from the Italian word for ‘tomatoes’) separated by breaks. Closely related to concepts such as timeboxing and iterative and incremental development used in software design, the method has been adopted in pair programming contexts. The method is based on the idea that frequent breaks can improve mental agility.

There are five basic steps to implementing the technique:

1. Decide on the task to be done
2. Set the pomodoro (timer) to 25 minutes
3. Work on the task until the timer rings; record with an x
4. Take a short break (5 minutes)
5. Every four “pomodoros” take a longer break (15–20 minutes)

So how do we decide what tasks to do?  Napoleon Hill in his book “Think and Grow Rich” talks about US Steel magnate Andrew Carnegie and the amazing productivity improvement that a simple “To Do List” had on his business. Just make two simple lists, preferably the night before – a list of things that are urgent and a list of things that are important. Prioritise the items on the list and work your priorities. 

Your tasks may need further adjustment to work with Pomodoro. The following rules are added by Cirillo:

• A Pomodoro is indivisible.  If a task takes more than 5–7 Pomodoros, break it down
• If it takes less than one pomodoro, add it up, and combine it with another task
• Once a Pomodoro begins, it has to ring
• The next pomodoro will go better
• The Pomodoro Technique shouldn’t be used for activities you do in your
  free time. Enjoy free time!

 

There are many Pomodoro apps for mobile platforms.   I can recommend “Pomodoro” for the iPhone from www.rapidrabbit.de as simple and effective.  You can download it from the Appstore.  Of course, a watch or a plastic timer will also suffice.

The times I have used Pomodoro (coupled with some headphones to reduce distraction) I have found it excellent.  You may too.

Links

• The Official Website – http://www.pomodorotechnique.com/
• The “World” of Pomodoro – http://www.pomodoroworld.com/
• Download the eBook – http://www.pomodorotechnique.com/resources/ThePomodoroTechnique_v1-3.pdf

Tasting Time

 

Time is precious.

Time is running out.

This isn’t the right time.

I wish I had more time.

There is no time.

I am out of time.

The founder of 37 signals, David Greiner says that he believes that if he allowed himself there would be more than enough work to keep him going 24 hours a day.

Do you feel as if there aren’t enough hours in the day?  I know I do.  I continually have a nagging feeling that I should be accomplishing more, particularly on weekends.  I think this definition of the word “day” sums it up:

Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.

It’s a sense of concern about using my time well.  This really annoys people that want me to sit down and watch a TV programme or movie.  I’m always fidgeting to do something/anything at the same time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A truly moving article is  “Nurse reveals top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed”.    When patients were questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

As death approaches, regrets centred around the way time was spent.  None of these points has anything to do with working longer hours.

I think that all of us understand that time is finite.  We know that every moment that ticks by brings us closer to oblivion.  That’s scary. 

We can choose to do something  to make life more meaningful or try and drown it out with watching movie repeats or reality TV.

So, assuming that the time is ticking and we want to choose to take action AND there are infinite things we can do, what should we do now?   Some suggest it’s a matter of understanding your direction:

“What comes first, the compass or the clock? Before one can truly manage time (the clock), it is important to know where you are going, what your priorities and goals are, in which direction you are headed (the compass). Where you are headed is more important than how fast you are going. Rather than always focusing on what’s urgent, learn to focus on what is really important.”

So to make a good choice in spending time requires making goals. 

So what are goals?

Goals are simply tools to focus your energy in positive directions, these can be changed as your priorities change, new one added, and others dropped.

Goals are more scary to most than wasting time, as any good procrastinator will tell you.  Although some say there’s no such thing as a procrastinator either.  The person described as a procrastinator has already set a goal and achieved it.  (The goal of not achieving anything)

So it comes down to a choice.  We will make the right choice about time if we make the right choice about goals, which is, of course, to have some.

Lucky in love? your choice

 

 

As a quick perusal of the divorce rates will tell you, cultural freedom to choose your own life partner has a cost.  Freedom comes with a willingness to terminate the relationship if it doesn’t work out.

It has been said that the western tradition of romantic love, of “listening to your heart” is the right way to begin a relationship.  Isn’t it far superior to ancient traditions of parents bartering over their children’s future?  The statistics seem to indicate otherwise.

In the romantic comedy xxxxxx, the heroine hardly knows anything about the hero, yet his sense of humour, heartfelt confession and bravery show her his suitability over her former boring but stable boyfriend. (xxxxxx – substitute the name of any romcom that comes to mind)

Your choice in relationships, particularly when choosing your life partner can have a huge effect on your emotional and financial wellbeing. Does any of this matter, as long as you follow your heart?

The same could be said for any major life decision.  Should I “listen to my heart” when I buy a car, choose a job or give my mobile number to that questionnaire on facebook?   Perhaps.  Most people try and find out as much about the pros and cons of a major decision before making it.  Particularly before our emotions take over.

Sydney Harris said “Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage. “

Loading the data into excel in order to determine the suitability of the candidates does not seem romantic.  It’s unlikely that explaining how their compatibility and socio-economic good sense has resulted in the current dinner invitation.

If having a successful relationship is important to you, treat it like any other important life decision.  Something this important requires both the brain and the heart.

To have a fulfilling life it has been said that a dream, a vision and associated goals can result in the best outcome.  You could apply this to the hypothetical person of your dreams.

You could envision what qualities you’d like to see in them and the life you can see with them.  You may want to adjust your life in such a way as to attract such a person.  You could set goals that ultimately lead to the relationship you desire.

Like other important goals, this is not about seeking perfection.  This is about tuning your “radar” to be on the lookout for the things that matter to you.

Don’t leave it such an important decision to chance.  Your choice.

 

Helen Keller – Life is a daring adventure or nothing

 

 

Life is a daring adventure or nothing – Helen Keller

The story of Helen Keller, the blind and deaf girl who was taught by an extraordinary teacher to communicate with the real world has fascinated many people for almost a century.

A small girl, who lived in a state deprived from the senses we take for granted was able to join the world in a completely different way.  In her young life she was able to overcome obstacles and challenges that “normal” people may find impossible. 

She didn’t know that what she wanted to accomplish was supposed to be “impossible”.   She aspired to great things.  She says I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble.

Her disabilities were not a limiting factor in her quest.  She says that I seldom think about my limitations, and they never make me sad. Perhaps there is just a touch of yearning at times; but it is vague, like a breeze among flowers.

As a writer, Helen Keller was an inspiration to all the blind and deaf people over the world. Her writings showed her interest in the beauty of things, taken for granted by those who can see and hear.

She believed that Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

In her later life, where she made herself politically unpopular becoming a socialist.  The news editor of the Brooklyn Eagle that previously complimented her on her courage and intelligence wrote that her socialist viewers were “mistakes sprung out of the manifest limitations of her development.”.  In reply to this, Helen responds:

At that time the compliments he paid me were so generous that I blush to remember them. But now that I have come out for socialism he reminds me and the public that I am blind and deaf and especially liable to error. I must have shrunk in intelligence during the years since I met him…Oh, ridiculous Brooklyn Eagle! Socially blind and deaf, it defends an intolerable system, a system that is the cause of much of the physical blindness and deafness which we are trying to prevent.

She wrote that her reason for her motivation for activism came in part from her concern about those with blindness similar disabilities.  She writes:

I was appointed on a commission to investigate the conditions of the blind. For the first time I, who had thought blindness a misfortune beyond human control, found that too much of it was traceable to wrong industrial conditions, often caused by the selfishness and greed of employers. And the social evil contributed its share. I found that poverty drove women to a life of shame that ended in blindness.

(The last part refers to prostitution and the resulting syphilis, which was a cause of blindness in those times.)

The pundits of the day found her politics in conflict with their vision of her as an inspirational young person. 

In retrospect, we can see that she was living consistently.  She was a woman who believed she could change, not only her world, but everyone else’s as well.  

She wasn’t content to overcome her own disabilities, but wanted to find the cause and do something about the problem for everyone.  In her words, “All the world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming.”

Although a blind person, she had vision  She believed that having a vision first, then the means to accomplish it would follow.  She says that It is for us to pray not for tasks equal to our powers, but for powers equal to our tasks, to go forward with a great desire forever beating at the door of our hearts as we travel toward our distant goal.

I think Helen Keller’s entire life story is more inspirational than the various telemovie versions of her early life.  Clearly she was a passionate person who believed that she could make a difference and actively pursued a course that she believed could change the world.  

I think she did.

 

Links

http://www.pocanticohills.org/womenenc/keller3.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helen_Keller

You have a choice

 

Do you feel trapped?  Do you feel as if there’s no way out?  My recent article on suggest that you have a choice.

This video takes the negatives from the previous article and changes them to positives.

Hope you like it.

Are you significant? It’s a choice.

I came across an interesting article entitled “Are you significant” recently.  It compares chess pieces and how they compare to people and their attitudes.

Specifically it refers to how there are a large number of “pawns”.  The pawns “go first”, move forward and eventually can be promoted to a queen, although this is rare.  The article states that most people are “pawns”.

It categorises a “pawn” like person like this:

• You live life day to day, but don’t have a real plan for your entire life.
• You see the bad before you see the good.
• You usually have trouble getting motivated to do much of anything.
• You are content as long as you have a place to sleep and food to eat.
• You are quick to criticize and judge other people.
• You have trouble focusing for more than a short period of time.
• You don’t like trying anything new.
• You are generally a selfish person.
• When things get difficult, or results are not seen, you stop trying.
• You don’t spend much time on your emotional, physical, and spiritual health.

It’s a confronting list, as some of these attitudes are obvious in many of the people around us and ourselves.   It’s powerful to see it in print.    Note that the language indicates apathy and unwillingness to exert effort.

By seeing these warning signs I think it can inspire you to be more and do more.

The “bigger” pieces have more flexibility and can do more.  The qualities of kings, queens, bishops, rooks and knights are:

• You have a clear idea of where your life is going and what your future holds.
  
• Though you recognize the bad in the world, the good far outweighs it.
  
• You are motivated to accomplish many things.
  
• You are not content with just the basics of life.  You want the most out of life that you can get.
  
• You seek first to understand others before making judgments.
  
• You prepare well beforehand and have a razor sharp focus.
  
• You love trying new things and new adventures, regardless if they succeed or not.
  
• You think of others constantly.
  
• When things get difficult, you rev up your engine and give even more effort.
  
• You constantly are refining your emotional, physical, and spiritual health.

This contrasting list uses very different wording.  Every point indicates taking action and doing something.   Note the use of words such as “constantly”, “motivated”, “seek” and “constantly”.

The article sums up this choice between being a “regular” person and someone who achieves great successes with:

Those who achieve success in life are motivated, driven, and passionate about what they do.  They spend the necessary time trying, tweaking, and moving forward with what they are seeking to do.  They do not give up, and while the average person is watching TV or bored, the successful person is busy creating their legacy in the world.

This article, and other like it are certainly influenced by western protestant work ethic and belief.  Originally pioneered by Napoleon Hill (“Think and grow rich”), these ideas of success as well as the “prosperity gospel” certainly may lead to a fuller life. 

Is this the only way to “success?

Taking the chess analogy further, the “bigger” pieces do move differently.  The knight for example hops over obstacles rather than directness of the others, yet it is valued equally with the bishop.

Perhaps there are many paths to “success”.   It could be that they don’t all involve “preparing well beforehand” and having a “razor sharp focus”.  

One thing is certain however, whether you choose positivism or your own path, the attitude and habits of a pawn-like average person should have no place in a significant and successful life.

 

Links

http://blog.drjerm.com/2009/02/27/are-you-significant/

Triggering Success

 

“Let’s not forget that the little emotions are the great captains of our lives and we obey them without realizing it.”  ~Vincent Van Gogh

Ever felt worried, elated or down, all of a sudden, for no reason?  Of course you know there was a reason.  It may be a person, some spoken words, a smell or even the arrival of an email.

Most emotions are triggered by something.  Previously I’ve commented on how they can be triggered by thoughts and even by posture. 

You may not be surprised to know that triggers aren’t always pulled by others.  You can pull your own triggers.

Ivan Pavlov first demonstrated the effect of “Classical Conditioning” with his now famous dogs.  By ringing a bell at mealtimes, Pavlov’s dogs became so conditioned to eat at the bell that they always salivated when the bell was rung.

Triggers can be deliberately created that deliver results in a similarly poweful and unconscious way.  Anthony Robbins calls this “anchoring”.

The technique involves visualising and living the desired state (such as “being unstoppable”), then combining this with an anchor, which can be a hand gesture or exclamation that you don’t ordinarily do. 

The implication of being able to reproduce emotional states at will is profound.

Steven Pavlina describes it in this way:

When you understand that you have the innate ability to consciously direct your thoughts to create any feeling you want, whenever you want, you’re not going to make such people rich. But you will be much more free, since you’ll gain the power of conscious control over your own emotional states. This is a skill that takes practice, but it is a learnable one. For example, in a matter of minutes I can get myself to feel any emotion I want, and for those I’ve already anchored, I can put myself into that state in less than 5 seconds. This is nothing unique — experienced actors can do it too. If an actor can laugh uproariously or cry rivers of tears or shout with intense anger over something completely fake, then you can certainly learn to be 100% confident on cue as well (and really experience the genuine emotion).

Being able to invoke your own emotional responses does not make you into an automaton.  It does however give you a choice.   The choice between being buffeted by the emotion random triggers produce, or the decision to act in an affirming or positive way in the face of adversity.

Oscar Wilde summed it up like this:

“A man who is master of himself can end a sorrow as easily as he can invent a pleasure. I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.”